Acceptance and our belief systems

Something important that I am learning in my life is to accept people as they are, and not to judge, it looks easy, but it is one of the most difficult things, I am learning to do, and I think it will take all of my life to master it, we judge people a lot!!! Maybe you don’t do it out loud, but you do it in your head, you judge how people dress, what they eat, their life’s choices, how the talk… sometimes we look at someone and you immediately create an image of who this person is, based only on our belief system. 

Our belief system is created from our experiences, believes we inherited from our family and what we learned from society, school, TV, the various voices in the internet

We women are very judgmental, especially amongst each other, we inherited this need to compete, this need to be better than our sister, and this is destroying us inside, it is making us cold. During my time working with mothers going back to work after childbirth, I was sad to see how harsh and unforgiving the workspace is, but I was even more sad to see, that many of the people that would judge and disempower those mothers, were mothers themselves, mothers that didn’t have enough support, and were now being unsupportive, and creating this terrible loop of criticism and competition. 

We must learn how to stop competing in this destructive way, learn how to join our voices in unison and help each other. If you are a mother that decided that you wanted to go back to work after your baby was 6 months old, good for you, but don’t judge a mother that decided to stay home for a year; and if your discourse is because in your job market this is the norm, then you were not respecting yourself, and you didn’t do it for your choice, you did it because of social conditioning. The same goes for a mother that thinks she must stay home for a year, and ends up depressed because she is overwhelmed with the lack of adult companions, the constant cry, feed, sleep cycles, and nappies and wants to go back into office life. We are all different, and we must respect ourselves and what is best for us. Obviously certain decisions must take into consideration other aspects of life and other people, going back to work must take into consideration the individual needs of your child, the income needs of your household and your work possibilities, striking this balance is difficult and it takes a lot of reflection and consideration, but my point is, listen to your heart.    

To answer all the questions about your femininity, you must look inside yourself, there is no general right and wrong, there is only what is right and wrong for yourself. When it is to decide something, talk to the people around you, sit in circle with your fellow women and listen to them, take all their stories, the good and the bad, then you must bring this to you and see what will be best for you, to the rest, you say, thank you, but I don’t need it, so I am giving it back.

Let’s open space for our intuition, let’s listen to our hearts, and let’s do what is best for us.

Empower your fellow sister by supporting her, even if you don’t agree with her choice, what is better for you, may not be better for her. Accept, don’t judge!

I am saying this from the very humble position of someone that is still learning. Let’s help each other to empower each other, to accept each other, to protect each other. Together we are strong.

Sister, would you like to sit in circle and accept who you are, and also accept who we are?

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Juliana Lottmann

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