Self-sabotaging behaviour refers to intentional action (or inaction) that undermines people's progress and prevents them from accomplishing their goals. Self-sabotage occurs when people hinder their own success.
While it seems surprising, some people undermine their own good intentions and long-term goals. When people take these destructive steps, their harmful behaviour can negatively impact nearly every part of their lives including their relationships and career.
What Causes Self-Sabotaging Behaviour?
People thwart their progress for a variety of reasons. They may consciously or unconsciously commit acts of self-sabotage. The causes range from childhood issues to prior relationship effects. Other reasons for this type of destructive behaviour vary from low self-esteem and coping problems to problems with cognitive dissonance,
Self-sabotage often serves as a coping mechanism that people use to deal with stressful situations and past traumas. Unfortunately, it typically makes problems worse and limits a person's ability to successfully move forward in a healthy way.
Conscious and Unconscious Self-Sabotaging
People who self-sabotage might be aware of their actions. For example, someone who's overweight and on a diet might consciously sabotage their good efforts by eating a whole carton of ice cream.
Or they might unconsciously act. A person misses a work deadline. On the surface, it seems like he was running late. But the truth is he’s afraid of failure. He self-sabotages by missing the due date, thus he thwarts his goal to move up in the company.
Difficult Childhood
Growing up in a dysfunctional family can contribute to your acts of self-sabotage. Without a secure attachment style, you might have an ambivalent or avoidant attachment style. Our earliest engagement with caregivers affects how we connect to others.
If your parents told you growing up that you’ll never amount to much, maybe you handicap yourself so that you do fall short.
Difficulty in Relationships
If your ex constantly puts you down, you might still feel vulnerable. Maybe they said they were wasting time trying to move forward with someone like you.
Now you’re in a great relationship, but you cheat on your partner. Or break up for no reason. You don’t feel good enough or you fear getting hurt again.
Based on one study on self-sabotage, 15 psychologists specialising in romantic relationships in Australia identified the main issues for the prevalence of self-sabotage in romantic relationships.
Low Self-Esteem
People with a negative self-image and low self-esteem are especially vulnerable to self-sabotaging. They behave in ways that confirm negative beliefs about themselves. So, if they are close to succeeding, they become uncomfortable.
They’ve been told all their lives that they’ll fail. Or sometimes they told themselves all their lives that they’d fail. Self-sabotaging behaviour helps ensure that this becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Cognitive Dissonance
People showing this behaviour struggle with cognitive dissonance, or the mental discomfort you may have holding two conflicting ideas at the same time. Human beings like to have consistency between their beliefs and actions.
For example, you are marrying someone great, but you come from a dysfunctional family. Your dad left, and your mother went from one abusive relationship to another. You, therefore, don’t believe in a stable, loving marriage. Yet, you are continuing to plan the wedding and send invitations.
example: You are about to land a great client and earn more money than ever before. Rather than do what it takes to propel yourself forward, you hold back because you don’t feel worthy.
So, you get drunk the night before the client meeting and miss it entirely. Rather than move ahead, you take actions to screw things up for yourself.
Self-sabotaging can lead to chronic struggles with food, liquor, drugs, gambling, and self-injury. This destructive behaviour can also strip people of their motivation and make them anxious.
Examples of Self-Sabotaging Behaviour
Mental health practitioners have identified common examples of the ways people self-sabotage. Three easy-to-identify examples include procrastination, perfectionism, and self-medication.
Procrastination
People who self-sabotage often procrastinate. Procrastination is a way you show others you’re never ready and put off a good outcome. It’s because people fear disappointing others, failing, or succeeding.
Perfectionism
Holding oneself to an impossible standard will cause delays and setbacks. While it seems like a positive strategy to aim for things to go as planned without a hitch, perfectionism hampers success.
When something does go wrong, as it inevitably will, perfectionists come undone. They end up feeling ashamed. Prone to depression, they feel like they are letting everyone down.
Self-Medication
To deal with the constant battle between wanting to be successful and the script that plays in their brains saying they can’t be, many soothe themselves through drugs, alcohol, and self-injury.
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Liz Wilde
Embrace Your Power
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